In case this isn’t obvious: this is a joke post.
Ever since the feature of getting rid of companions was cut in beta people were begging to get it back. We all have our “special someones” who we want to shove out of the airlock to spread their remains over several systems as we make our way through hyperspace… right? Turns out, BioWare answered our pleas when they announced a serious revamp of the companion system with KOTFE, complete with the option to not let them back into the crew at all over the course of the new story arc.
When the good news reached me I instantly started to mentally weed out all the jerks and indulged in the thought of them not polluting my precious ship with their presence. Oh, what a wonderful world.
But I’m not a heartless monster, am I? Instead of having them meet their untimely end in the airlock immediately, I’m putting them up for adoption so you can rescue them before it’s too late. In fact, I think I already talked to some interested parties on twitter.
before they get slaughtered mercilessly.
You can give me all your Quinns in return. Poor Quinn, getting all the hate just because he behaved like Imperials naturally behave.
SITH INQUISITOR [Serene]
A Sith needs nobody but herself to achieve the power she strives for. Who will be lucky enough to stay anyway, then?
- Khem Val | Not up for adoption
He is Serene’s beloved pet Jedi-devourer and there’s no way in hell he’ll leave his “little sith” alone. BFF’s don’t simply part ways!
- Andronikos Revel | Not up for adoption
He stole a ring for Serene. The audacity to even think about marrying a Sith saved his ass… this time.
- Ashara Zavros | Not up for adoption
Young and malleable force user who wrecks shit when told to? Too valuable to give up, even if her voice (the German one, at least) is annoying as fuck.
- Talos Drellik | Up for adoption
If someone wants to take this whiny nuisance and waster of carbon and oxygen, do it now and do it fast. He has no place in the company of a mighty Lord of the Sith.
- Xalek | Up for adoption
As uninspiring as this particular individual is, the rest will be happy to have more food, air and force-chokes left for themselves.
3 out of the original 5 stay.
IMPERIAL AGENT [Neira]
The agent can achieve many feats by herself, but having good contacts can save a lot of valuable time. Who has proven to be useful over the years?
- Kaliyo Djannis | Not up for adoption
Let’s be serious here, no one can live without this amount of delicious snark once you got a taste of it. The days (and nights, above all) would be a lot less fun without her.
- Vector Hyllus | Not up for adoption
Not everybody appreciates bugs in their bed, but Neira does.
- Dr. Eckard Lokin | Not up for adoption
Scholarly exchange between passionate medics is always welcome – especially if the respective partner is a shapeshifting maniac. As long as he doesn’t scratch her…
- Ensign Raina Temple | Not up for adoption
Between a bloodthirsty bounty hunter, a Killik victim, an intelligent Rakghoul and a Killerbot, Raina has the right amount of commonness to her to balance out the rest… even if she’s not quite normal herself.
- SCORPIO | Not up for adoption
Her voice. Do I need to say more.
Not sure if killerbot or sexbot or both.
5 out of the original 5 stay. Good job, BW!
BOUNTY HUNTER [Ayy]
While some hunters prefer to stalk their pray alone, Ayy values good company. Emphasis is on good company, though.
- Mako | Not up for adoption
While silly little Mako annoys Ayy more often than not, offloading some of the research on someone who can handle it well saves the boss time she can spend on parties. And the boss loves parties.
- Gault Rennow | Not up for adoption
A most charming partner in crime, entirely to Ayy’s taste. Not only to her’s but also to mine, as I’m a huge fan of Vilmarh Grahrk (see below).
- Torian Cadera | Not up for adoption
Eventhough my hunter is kind of a troubled personality with a troubled history, she’s still a mando at heart. Torian is not the most exciting person to have around, but c’mon, you can’t leave a mando behind.
- Skadge | Not up for adoption…
… because nobody deserves to be pestered by an asshole like him. AIRLOCK HIM NOW, AND AIRLOCK HIM HARD. TWICE.
- Blizz | Up for adoption
I’m sorry, Jawa lovers of this world, but Blizz is an annoying little rat who is now
involuntarilylooking for his forever home (which is NOT Ayy’s Mantis). Maybe I shouldn’t be sorry, because you can have him now. Just be quick, I’m not sure how much longer Ayy can tolerate him.
3 out of the original 5 stay.
A trooper is nothing without her friends, but Ayy is not entirely sure she made all the right decisions when rebuilding Havoc squad.
- Aric Jorgan | Not up for adoption, ever
Nobody will take her favourite hair-shedding tomcat from her. Nobody, ever. They’re the perfect match.
Especially because there’s a Cathar soldier in her actual RP background too.
- Elara Dorne | Not up for adoption
Not the funniest of the lot, but, despite her background, definitely one of the most reliable. Reliability matters in a squad.
- M1-4X | Not up for adoption
If you tell him that vacuuming your ship is good for the Republic, he’ll do an even better job than C2 – and every excuse to make C2 shut up is a good enough excuse.
Eventhough I’m not entirely sure his if he really is more funny than he is annoying.
- Tanno Vik | Up for adoption
Just get that sucker out of Ayy’s face fast before things get bloody. Maybe he wants to join Skadge in the airlock?
- Yuun | Up for adoption
Dear little Yuun is so … inconspicuous that I easily forget about him. Please give him a better home than I could.
3 out of the original 5 stay.
I won’t be playing my Marauder right away, but I’m quite sure Famy wouldn’t mind getting rid of at least Broonmark and Jaesa. YES, it says Jaesa right there and not Quinn. Fight me.
Lots of 3/5, am I sensing a pattern here?
I have to admit that, while I have all base classes at 50+, I still haven’t seen all the stories yet (knight, smuggler and consular, to be specific). I haven’t spent much time on my rep alts so far. That will change soon, hopefully, so I can determine which companions of these classes will meet their untimely end in my airl- errrrm I mean will be put up for adoption here. That’s what I meant to say. Promise.